I like answers and figuring things out. If something is broken or in need improvement, I’m your girl. I like fixing things (including people) and leaving them better than I found them. The problem with this is that I’m making a pretty big assumption: I’m assuming that the situation, thing, or person wants to be fixed.

When I make this assumption, I’m also making other assumptions, such as assuming that I know best how to fix the situation, thing, or person, along with the assumption that I’m the one who should be doing the fixing. You probably are starting to see the issues I run into when I overvalue answers and the resolution of problems.

I recently heard author and physician Rachel Naomi Remen say on a podcast, “I have no answers, but I have a lot of questions, and those questions have helped me live better than any answers I might find.” Questions can make us uncomfortable because they indicate the uncertainty of life that we live with daily. Coming up with answers or solutions when not asked is a form of trying to exert control in this world of impermanence and uncertainty. Remen says that living better comes from co-existing peacefully with the questions, especially those that aren’t ours to answer or resolve.

Living with questions means we make space for mystery and for others’ dreams and choices that are different than what we would choose for them. It means we listen more generously and speak less often, at least in terms of offering answers or solutions. Peaceful co-existence with life’s questions can help us relax in the middle of life’s unsolvable issues, like loss and death. We aren’t supposed to figure them out; it’s OK that we can’t. Living with questions can enhance the quality of our lives when we accept their presence in our lives as normal, and I’m hoping that over time, the allure of answers will lose its grip on me.

Photo courtesy of Kuhlens Photography