I’ve often heard that listening to someone offers them a gift, a rare attention in our distracted world. I’ve also read that the ability to hear someone and understand what they’re saying, perhaps mirroring it back to them, is a skill that needs to be developed and exercised. But I was surprised to read that deep listening is a risk. Here’s what activist and author Valarie Kaur says:

“Deep listening is an act of surrender. We risk being changed by what we hear…In these moments, we can choose to remember that the goal of listening is not to feel empathy for our opponents, or validate their ideas, or even change their mind in the moment. Our goal is to understand them.”

To deeply listen, Kaur says, we have to surrender our closely-held beliefs for that moment. We have to consider the possibility that maybe we’re not right or as right as we thought. We have to let go of the wish to persuade and instead, risk the possibility that we might be changed. By surrendering through listening, we become open to learn about another’s experience and perception rather than adhering to our own narrow view of the world. Listening, deep listening, is risky, and it is what the world needs. It’s what you need. It’s what I need.

Photo courtesy of Kuhlens Photography