My husband Craig told me a childhood story that has stuck with him all these years. When he was about five years old, his family took a vacation to Florida. At the motel, he was particularly intrigued by the gecko lizards that were common in warmer climates. For Craig, growing up in Ohio meant that he had never seen geckos or understood why they might be helpful outdoor creatures, good for eating the mosquitos that were also Florida residents. He decided to play a game that involved throwing stones and trying to hit a gecko. It sounds entertaining if you’re five because you don’t think about the consequences of your actions. Craig had a big time, throwing stones at the gecko and watching it scurry, until it didn’t scurry anymore. It didn’t move. The gecko was dead.

This was a pivotal moment for five-year-old Craig. He realized that he killed something just for fun, and that didn’t make him feel good. To this day, more than fifty-five years later, he still feels remorse about that gecko, but the loss of its life also fueled his compassion for other creatures over the years. In fact, not too long ago, he was headed down our driveway with the car when he spotted a gecko sunning itself on the drive. He stopped the car, got out, and shooed the gecko off the driveway. Coming to terms with what he had done as a five-year-old changed the way he moved in the world as he grew into an adult.

When we make mistakes, we can either put them out of our minds and try to forget them, or we can use what we learn from them to choose differently in the future. The former destines us to repeat what we’ve done, perhaps in another form or circumstance, but the latter offers the chance to redeem the mistake and do better. It doesn’t mean we will handle life perfectly, but remembering how we felt will spur us to better choices.