The beginning of a new calendar year brings a whole host of planning tools: resolutions, word of the year, goals, intentions, and the like. January 1 seems like a start of a clean slate, so we’re encouraged by self-help gurus to take advantage of the new year’s momentum to make a change in our lives for the better. It’s a good plan, in theory, but from what I’ve read, most New Year’s resolutions are broken before February, and I’m guessing the words of the year and intentions are similarly challenged. If you’re like me, the thought of having one more thing to do or one more thing to keep track of adds to the overwhelm of a full-enough schedule. And so I’m looking for a gentler way to move toward life as I think it should be lived.

I recently heard a quote from the late Buddhist monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh, and he said something like this: “Our quality of being determines our quality of doing.” This has me thinking about where change actually begins: with the action itself or with the mindset that precedes the action. If I want to respond to people in a more loving, patient way, rather than focusing on that response, maybe I need to consider what I need to do for myself so that I am relaxed and have more margin to deal with the inevitable hassles of interpersonal relationships. That might look like getting a little more sleep or making sure I have some extra downtime so that I can respond to others from a more spacious place.

So in 2025, I’m looking for how I want to be and feel, nourishing that, and then expecting my actions to change in a positive way. I’m not sure it will work, but it’s different from your typical New Year’s resolutions focused on doing. I have a whole new year to try it out, and so do you.